Sunday 23 September 2012

Hexadad Too Much

Although the BFN was disappointing news, I am grateful that I don't have the personality to linger in the "darkness" - the BFN actually made me even more motivated to move forward. Don't get me wrong - lingering in "darkness" is not necessarily bad because it's normal to feel down and sad about postponing a dream. I just choose to get up quick and focus on what I can control - and that is to decide what I am going to do with the next attempt.

I knew that I was going to give it another kick at the can but just wasn't sure if it would be with one or two surrogates. There are three main considerations for me. First is financial but in the end, it's money and growing my family is invaluable and priceless. I would just make things work. More importantly, the second issue is the additional number of babies I am willing to have. One surrogate would mean two babies at most while two surrogates would mean four babies at most. Yes, there is the reduction option (down to one per surrogate) but who knows what one will decide until one gets there. So add a potential four babies to my son and another on the way, that would be six - just call me "Hexadad". LOL! Finally, the third considering is timing. As mentioned in previous posts, I would like to have baby #3 during my year-long time off with baby #2. Having two surrogates would increase my chances of having #3 sooner than later.

Initially, I decided to go with two surrogates but in the end, I have decided to go with just one - thus the revision to this post. Again, financially, I would have just made it work. Also, if I am lucky with at least one of my remaining 14 frozen embryos with consecutive attempts, I will still have baby #3 while I am off on leave with baby #2. What sunk in for me is the potential for more babies. I have been blessed with one son already and another on her way - ideally, a third is all I really want. Sure if I am blessed with twins, I will be equally as happy; however, any more would be a challenge (mainly time and energy) for this single dad even with my ultra-strong support network. Reduction is a possibility (down to one per surrogate) but I really doubt I could take that route if both surrogates were to have twins. I would have "what-if" for the rest of my life. The decision to go with one has put my mind at peace - I was initially struggling with the decision to work with two surrogates.

What now? It takes four weeks to prepare a surrogate for a transfer so in the mean time, I will persevere, wait patiently, and continue to think positively. It will be a quick four weeks - two of those weeks I will be on vacation, of which one I will be in Disneyland with my son. Plus I get to read about everyone else's journey, which helps keep my thoughts and energy positive.

Thank you for letting me share this part of my world with you!

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